There must be a certain age or a specific time in life when your mind starts running and from that point on, it doesn’t stop. A button in your brain gets stuck in the ‘ON’ position and you forever have things on your mind. It might trigger when you start a career you are anxious to excel in or when you become a parent and the importance of raising a child forces your mind into constant, non-stop motion.
I think it can also happen when you are making decision that will change the course of your life. When you, not mom, dad, or your best friend, up and say, “I’m moving to California.” when everyone always thought you would live in New York.
I have come to realize that most of these decisions come with a lot of gray areas. “What if I don’t like it there?” “How will I make it on my own?” “Wouldn’t I have better insurance coverage if I stayed where I was?”
I don’t think decisions, like moving far away (Spain, to be exact), were meant to be easy. And I have come to realize that, believe it or not, I’m not the first person in the world who has had to make a decision like this and found it to be exceptionally hard. I am also coming to the conclusion that just because I might have to ride the bus instead of drive my own car or learn to speak Spanish when English has worked out pretty well for me in the past, does not mean that moving is the wrong answer. It might just be that Jesus wants to be the One with the answers for now, not me. It might mean that He sees something I can’t see yet, so He’s asking for a bit of faith. Ok, Jesus, if faith is what you want, you got it!
There have been moments in the past year and a half where I have actually prayed that I wouldn’t have to think so much. That things could go back to the way they were and I actually knew what the heck was going on in my life. Try explaining to your family and friends the plans for your future when you don’t have all the answers yourself. Hence the mind running.
So here I am. My mind has crossed over to ‘constant’ mode and who knows if it will ever go back. We leave in two weeks for Spain and even though I know exciting things are ahead, the hard part of actually LEAVING is on the horizon as well. As much as thoughts run across my mind, I am constantly assured that we are making the right decision. I have been asked for a bit of faith, easy or not, and by golly, that’s what I’ll do. Because even if I never have all the answers again, I know Someone who does.